That is my arm--self portrait in the mirror. I start tomorrow at a major "American" manufacturer of automobiles (to be discreet). I am easing into a contracted analyst position there. So...a big drive means a bit of wear on the ol 1990 civic si. So I finally got a new distributor, got a decent (but not extravagent)JVC MP3/cd player replacement for the tape deck (I can get in 91.7 now!) and I FINALLY got rear trailing arm bushings. These are the parts in the rubber parts in the suspension of the car that encapsulate meeting points that would otherwise be metal-on-metal. Mine were REALLY gone. For Casey: the pin pulled out with my hand--one side required no wiggling, but the other did.

Thus far in the project, I have learned a lot about torches--including buying a MAPP torch (like propane, only much hotter) and bought a fire extinguisher (not coincidentally). One side is done and the other is about to be torched/cut out. Oh yeah, I also learned that nothing is quite as useful as a GOOD utility knife for removing flaming rubber. And those dust mask thingys really do help. Oh yeah. That stuff on my arm is the burnt rubber that I was rolling around in! Yay!

Youth junk

I was over to visit Gerry last week. He made really good (from scratch, super-thick) ice cream (heavy cream is a really nice thing). I really needto make it over there more. I was in BG to: apply for graduation, see the committee members I could see (which was 2 of 4--not bad), get my registration stuff worked out for my hour of dissertation that is necessary to graduate, push some papers around that needed pushed, and renew some books. Not exciting stuff, but it feels nice to know that graduation is just a defense meeting (and a few drafts, most likely) away.

[This is the third time that I have written a blog posting that has not been posted...I hope this goes through without another mysterious error on Hello's part. Aww, heck, I will jump into an editor that works to write this.]

It is 6am and I have been up for 2 hours. It is the church youth. I cannot stop thinking about the odd attitude that some of the youth have had lately. It is like it is not a group to better yourself or learn about God, but some stupid social clique. I really want to simply say "you people have to leave and never come back" so that clique will die. It is not a healthy group either. It is full of a bunch of insecure crap--they don't give a darn about life. They just want to take, be disrespectful, and get attention. At least that is what I have gotten from them about 90% of the time.

Ok, there are levels of ministry. 1) You have the level of everyone--people who just want to see what is up with the group--these people come to a large group setting. 2) You have the people who are involved in small group Bible studies and want to put in an effort to help themselves and the group--there is some commitment there. 3) Then you have a small group of hard-core students who want to give a lot of their time and effort to serving the group and leading it. This three-tier system is the model that most youth groups have.

Ours seems to have a few youth who have been around for a long time and THINK they are in the small group of leaders. But they don't know the first thing about leading. They are self-centered takers. They are mentally in the first group, but they show up to the non-challenging stuff like they are in groups 2 and 3! Worse yet, they distract and kill the large group by providing a horrible example of leadership--often I have to talk to them and tonight I had to ask one of them to leave. I kept him out of the group and we had a talk about what he was doing with the group.
My ruminations tonight were about asking him to leave for good. I have had this thought a lot. On one level, you want to be as loving and accepting and unconditional as possible to each person regardless of circumstances--this group is the image of Christ that these youth will carry into adulthood. On another level, you want to what is best for the whole group--and if that means letting a few people go in order to perserve the health of the group and to bring in people who are turned off by behavior-related issues stemming from a bad apple, then so be it. I cannot stand by and watch the group die because of a few youth (mind you, these are seniors who act like perverted 8th graders) cannot control themselves. For the most part, the flavor of the group is far better without these individuals and I am convincing myself that there is truly no downside to letting them go.

These people complain. Dang, they complain a lot. More than I am doing right now, even! If I were a youth in the church right now, I would not want to be around them. Ok, this has got to happen. It takes too much of an emotional strain on Anne and me to continue. Anne is really working too hard for the group to have it all spoiled by some rotten apples. I see her frustration. I see mine right now. That is why I go to bed thinking about it, dream about it, and wake up at 4am about it.

When I get really upset about those few, I think about all of the others--those who are really cool and have a huge life of goodness that they are really interested in living. They make working with the group as a whole truly worthwhile. We need more of these people, and we need them to be leaders--because they would truly lead if there were not pseudo-leaders in their place already. There is no point in letting those few "teach" any more visitors that "the thing the cool kids do in youth group is hang on the edge of the conversation and make fun of people/distract people/intentionally be separate group." Ok, we have got to meet with the worst of the group and tell him that he is unwelcome in the group and will have to stop attending. He has already told me that he is unable to control himself and does not want to learn to change that "because he can't---it depends on my mood." This just isn't going to cut it anymore. I cannot let him tear apart the well-being of Anne, me, and the church through his behavior. There is too much investment (time, energy, planning, love--money, even) for him to just destroy it. He has had the stern talks several times. This is just stupid to think about. With other leaders, he would have been gone LONG ago. I guess it is time to do it. At least that is what I am saying now. Of course, that mental equivocation has led to the situation we are in now.

Man, o man, I cannot wait to be the parent of a teenager! At least this gives us a lot of training in what to do/not do. I also have this impending sense that Perrysburg is not the place to be. That said, househunting in Perrysburg has not been terribly successful. Sometimes you just want to get away and have some separation time from a situation so you can see what is good/bad--you know, get a fresh persepective. Of course, I have work soon. It is 7am now. Time to bring my annoyed and unslept self in front of a glowing monitor in my 68.5 degree florescent-light workplace for another 8 hours. Maybe my wrist will get that awful "I mouse too much" strain again.

Life can really be a drag sometimes. I feel unbalanced. I need a break like crazy. Too bad that won't happen.

This is our baby. The technician said that it is a girl. We will reserve judgment until January.

This is a picture of the left side of the baby's head. Its ear is in the middle, its nose is on the left and its arm extends from its shoulder on the bottom of the picture. She wiggles a lot. Isn't she cute?!

This was an unbelievably cool experience. It is very very very real now. All of the grandparents were in the room to see her. We have a video that we would love to show everyone. I am working on a website to get the baby stuff all in one place.

If you are going some place cool soon, send her a postcard. We already have postcards from Italy, London, China, and Buffalo, NY.

In the picture below, the baby is facing toward you. Her hands are in little fists in front of her beautiful face. She is snuggling against the placenta (which is above her head). She felt bugged that we were poking her during the ultrasound.

Here is the new coffee roaster. I have been using it for months, but it is better than ever because I modified it over the weekend a little. The gem is the one on the left of the picture. It is a WestBend "Poppery" air air popcorn popper from the 80s. These things have a cult-like following among coffee roasters. If they are the Caddy of roasters, then I just pimped mine out.

The first thing I had to do was raise the thermostat temperature by backing the thermostat screw out a bit. It did not get nearly hot enough for a good roast. Then I split the power into two parts: fan motor and heat coil. Each is on one plug, but that is because it was the fast and easy things to do. The heat coil is hooked through the switch into the wall. The fan is hooked in through an X10 lamp dimmer module, so I can control the fan speed. This adds a ton of control to the roasting process. You need a lot of air at the beginning of the roast when the beans are dense...and they need time to dry out before the temperature gets really high. Toward the end of the roast, the beans are large and light, having expanded and lost their moisture--and they should be exposed to a higher temperature than at the beginning. So decreasing the fan speed once the beans are mid-roast is a big help. Anyway, independent control of the fan and heat rocks.

Stop by for some coffee. I am really excited about using the machine, but I am overcaffeinated!

This picture freaks me out. No, this is not Anne (yet).

This week will be a big one. Anne's parents come up on Wednesday and stay for Thursday morning...the morning when we get the ultrasound and get to see the fetus! We will also find out its sex if it is cooperative.

It will be a great way to cap off our 4th year neilandanne-iversary on Wednesday. Man, we are stoked.

Too-close picture--(taken when we were exhausted after getting back from MX). It has been too long since the last post...here is some random stuff that has been going on.

We decided against the house that had the pool. It was actually the gas bill that made our eyes bug out. We figured that the extra $80 a month (budget plan, even) that we would pay in gas would be better spent on a higher mortgage for a better house. That, and we don't want to fiddle with a pool. The search goes on.

I went with Sal to a concert on Friday. It was Indian sitar and tabla for the first half and jazz with sitar and tabla for the second half. Man, that tabla player was awesome.

Anne and I went to the "Blue Pacific" place today (anniversary gift from my parents). It was mongolian barbeque almost exactly, only with fewer flavorings. It was pretty good (I went up for fourths)...a bit pricey, but good.

I am up late finishing the diss enough to send to my advisor. I think it is good. I was on a roll of deep concentration tonight, something which I miss. I think it has to do with all the noise and distractions at work. Cubicles do not make for deep concentration. That said, work is ok. Nothing exciting going on there with me yet.

Yeah, go ahead and give her a call. Hey, I thought it was funny that she didn't notice (or maybe didn't care).

Anyway, good news. I am being moved to a different project group! Not only did they hire the new guy (who is making huge progress on automating my stinky old tasks), but we are also starting to slide me into a dedicated analyst position with "a large automotive company that is based in Detroit" (I think we are supposed to be discreet about such announcements). Anyway, this is really good.

Anne and I looked at a house that is around 10 doors down from Zoar on Indiana. It looks pretty good. It is affordable, has the space we want, but has an OLD furnace, no A/C. Oh yeah. It has a POOL! I don't really want a pool, but the owner works at a pool company and put in a wonderful pool. It is not that I don't like pools, it is just that I am fine with only using one twice a summer--and not maintaining one in the meantime. I have no idea how much of a pain those things are...anybody else have any idea? Other than the pool and checking on the furnace/AC, we like the place a lot.

Maritz did not win the Junior Achievement Grand Prix, but it was a good time and we placed decently (in the A main, of course) despite a broken car. This was my first trip to downtown Toledo in a while. It was actually kind of neat.

We are going nuts with home shopping. We did the pre-approval thing today, but the loan was not everything we hoped it would be...not bad, but not great.

Of course, we need to find a house before doing anything...and the houses we have found have been quite compromiseful. Teh most recent one ROCKED, except for the lack of A/C (radiators--so A/C would be hard to install), asbestos, and 1939 electrical system. The one before this was great, except it had a basement that was too short for me to walk in! Anne did well, but I had to crouch through the entire thing...that, and the garage was pretty bad.

It seems as if there is ALWAYS someone in Perrysburg who is willing to buy overpriced property. These people are cramping our chances, so they had better cut it out. I hope we find one that we can easily live with.

Dang. House-buying. I feel old.

My dad saw that our (ex)neighbor is selling his 73 MG Midget. He is letting it go pretty quickly and cheaply. My dad, an ex-Triumph owner--mind you, does not want to work on it. So he wonders if it would be a fun project for the two of us. I do the time, he does the $$. I want to...somewhat. We drove it around and it was not spectacular enough for me to be TOO hot about it, no matter how sweet it looks. What do you think?

In other news, we have been house shopping... nothing yet, but we are getting more serious.

In OTHER other news, my favorite band just broke up. Farewell, Karate...